Coming to Terms

As you can see, it has been a while since I last posted. There is a reason for that. I have had to come to terms with the creature within me. The Bipolar creature... but more importantly... the Knowledge creature.
That's right. The Knowledge creature. Knowing that all of the things I was were because of something living inside of me - something that I didn't have a clue existed. And once I realized that those things were a real part of me, were really something and that I didn't have to hide it or run from it or medicate it - well, it took a while, but once I reached that point I realized that I LIKE who I am. I really like me. And that is a good thing.
I didn't need the medications.
I promised to tell what those did to me, didn't I? It has been long enough ago that I barely remember what they did.
I know that I had headaches.
Memory problems. Couldn't teach.
Vivid dreams - in living color, and so real I could not tell what was and was not real.
I entered a depression - very unusual for me.
I was dizzy. Nauseous.
I felt numb.
And I could go on and on and on, but instead - I just quit.
Went to a doctor and had a complete physical to rule out any physical reason for my behavior. And then I went on with life.
I didn't hide what I had. Instead I read everything I could on it. I read self-help books, books on medications, books on behavior, books on therapy, books on brain imaging. I read blogs. Searched the Internet for answers. And I finally found an answer in my own heart.
I use my life - my bipolar that is such a part of me - as a teaching tool.
I incorporate a discussion of the poets and writers that were so creative and were either diagnosed during their lifetimes, or in many cases, suspected to have had it, but missed being diagnosed because they have been dead a century or two or four.
I don't back off from mentioning symptoms - that I tend to have auditory and olfactory hallucinations, that sometimes I see things that are not there. That I might not interpret facial expressions or even remember faces. That I am a little ADHD, a bit OCD, a lot ICD, and have so many other alphabet letters along side the bipolar that the educational letters are totally obscured.
I am available if students want to talk - since I have been so open about it, many of my students discuss their own diagnoses with me. I can't give advice, but I can commiserate, and we have formed a bit of a support group. Together we are trying to address the stigma, to change the focus to the positive aspects.
There are many.
We are at the forefront of an evolutionary process. We are perceptive... empathetic. We rise to the occasion when there is a crisis. We have more energy than most people. We get things done. And yes, while there is a down side - we are also quite capable of reaching heights that are unimaginable to most people.
Reach them we will, in spite of ourselves.
Or just maybe - because of ourselves.

So now - the blog needs to evolve, to develop a focus. Watch for the next post, and feel free to offer any input on what you would like to see discussed.