Funny thing. Just realized it has been almost a year since I got "the label." How far I have come and how very many changes there have been!
I have struggled with the questions.
To medicate or not to medicate?
To trust my instincts or consider the possibility of bipolar influencing my decisions?
To decide whether something is real or a product or my bipolar brain?
And there are the life changes.
I have gotten a divorce.
Lost my mother.
Found a new love who understands me.
Reconnected with my daughter.
Lost my son.
Lost any semblance of financial stability.
Learned that people are not always what they seem, even when they are very close to you.
Learned that even strangers can be very kind, even when they are just met in passing.
Learned that most people are very accepting and others will use the label against you for their own gain.
I have moved into a new place and am learning to cope with the strange noises and bumps in the night.
I have reconnected with myself - the real me. The independent, kind, energetic me that works too hard, sleeps too little and has an outlook on life that is anything but what might be considered normal.
So in just the space of a year I have found that - wow - I LIKE me.
I've lost some things, but I have gained some things, too.
I have gained self-confidence. And I have gained an acceptance of the idea that some people will never accept the real me while others have been waiting for me to reach this point for a long, long time. I have found that I like being single. I like the freedom of spending my own money, decorating my own house, determining my own activities and answering to myself for mistakes. And it is even better when I get to pat myself on the back for doing something right.
It was a horrible year, but a year of growth that I wouldn't trade for anything in the world.
Know what I would tell anyone who asked for my advice - as if anyone would? I would say - go for it. Go for whatever you want.
Embrace the label and run with it. There is life out there, and it is a good one. All you have to do is make it happen.
